Yesterday I wrote a tweet questioning why I feel free to express myself on Twitter in the digital company of a bunch of strangers, yet I feel comparatively guarded and closed off on Facebook, which connects me to the majority of the people I actually know in real life.
I received some interesting responses, but Kelly’s hit me:
Is this right? Am I afraid to be honest with my friends and family? Perhaps, but there is more to it.
Facebook is great at connecting you with people you meet. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but in my case my Facebook friends are predominantly based on geography and genetics – friends and family acquired during the regular course of living my life. They are almost all people I have met in person.
Twitter, on the other hand, is not particularly locative, and it’s self-curating. You can align yourself with like-minded people, and operate under the assumption that if others don’t like what you’re putting out there, they will simply unfollow. No hard feelings.
In this way, Twitter is all about producing and consuming good content; Facebook connects you with your real world, which consists of some good content, and some baggage.
That baggage is what destroys my ability to be honest. Do I want my Christian friends on Facebook, whose kids play with my kid, to see me talk about being an atheist? Should I profess my progressive agenda within cyber-earshot of a hypothetical conservative neighbor? Is that going to do any good to our relationships? It seems I’m not alone in being paranoid about this sort of thing.
Maybe this does boil down to my fear of judgment and its consequences. And it’s entirely likely that I’m being dramatic and oversensitive. But at the end of the day, when my house is on fire, it’s not going to be a random Australian web designer who will help — it’s the neighbor. When this sort of reality is at stake, self-editing can be self-preservation.
So, when it comes to honesty and openness, apparently I either have to man up or shut up. Let’s hear your vote in the comments.
It seems like every day that I find another atheist that doesn’t want their desicion to negatively affect them. It’s either socially or professionally, and it’s always due to Christian intolerance. I think this is why some of us relate with the current same-sex civil rights struggle. We know how it feels to have to hide ourselves.
I don’t think it’s cowardly, or lacking conviction to accept this reality, and as you said, self-preserve. Surviving is something we atheists get, haha. Not everyone has the luxury of being who they really are in the United States of America.
There are repercussions to my vocalizations on twitter, but I can’t think of any beyond losing Christian business. I’ve worked to put myself in a position of relative freedom by working for a group of similarly open minded individuals. I don’t plan on going freelance anytime soon, but I rest easy at night knowing that there are many like us.
I’ve been atheist since I was really young, and openly vocal about it since middle school. At 19, I got a symbol for it tattooed on my neck. Needless to say, I don’t even hold back with my (extended) family. My immediate family more or less agrees with me. My facebook wall is covered with this stuff.
This tough decision is really dependent on the millions of variables that make up your life.
I should have spel chaked tht.
Nice article Jonas. To me the tool makes no difference – I’m completely guarded regardless! I picture myself at job interview for a Wal-Mart door greeter position when I’m 78, and the guy starts quoting from a Facebook post from 2009 where I was making fun of Sarah Palin. I don’t think you can be too careful, which of course takes some of the fun out of expressing yourself.
I don’t comment or write about anything close to controversial and I steer 10 feet away from discussions on FB that I have strong feelings about (which thankfully hardly ever happens).
Before I write anything – or say anything, for that matter – I re-read or repeat it in my head and do a quick edit of my prospective audience and what their reaction might be. If I deem it offensive in any way I stop myself. I’m sure that has a lot to do with me being a trainer for the last 9 years – we’re taught to be impartial, and to avoid any controversial topics in the classroom.
I take that same attitude with me everywhere to avoid regret later on.
Bri
Question: if your Christian neighbour can’t deal with you being an atheist, or your conservative neighbour with you being progressive, why would you want their friendship? Friends should be able to accept each others’ differences.
But it’s not that simple, is it? I agree it’s fear, and I have it, too.
A certain sensitivity to religious friends’ views is a necessary thing if an atheist wants to avoid offense both on- and off-line, but this shouldn’t have to mean hiding lack of belief. Maybe a good middle ground is being somwhat open but also stating that we fully respect others’ rights to believe in a god?
Hi David, thanks for your comment. You’re right, maintaining friendships with people who have significantly different fundamental beliefs is hard; mutual acceptance is particularly tricky when you’re dealing with political and social issues that frame your entire worldview. There is also the question of what kind of atheist you are: the quiet one who is comfortable with his beliefs and thinks it’s OK for everyone else to have theirs, or the frustrated one who thinks organized religion is preventing the world’s progress and brainwashing people for its own gain? If you’re in the latter camp, it’s even tougher!
I believe my issue arises from being a minority in my social circles. Most of my family and friends are either Christian, were raised Christian, or they’re essentially non-believers who are still phoning it in to the Big Guy in the Sky and perhaps refuse to commit to the (gasp!) atheist label. I saw some statistics a few years ago that my country’s often-judgmental populous would choose to elect any other minority as president before an atheist. That’s right, an atheist president is the worst possible outcome for the majority of Americans. And so I’ve become predisposed to expecting judgment from people I know, even though it’s quite possible that my particular friends are generally open-minded and would be entirely fine with my beliefs.
interesting. however,
facebook links you with ‘real’ established friends. i rarely if ever physically meet with new ones via a network. except:
meetup is different, at its core is merging the on and off worlds.
dating sites are also designed to facilitate physical encounters.
twitter has an feeling of impermanence (and thus impertinence) like IRC or older text messaging. yet … it does have record of past tweets and should be treated with some care.
the problem with liberalism: liberal people tend be tolerant of things including intolerance.
stay friends with unlike-minded people yet point out the absurdity of their views.